I'm Money
by Mr. Bigg
Summary: A JP songfic. Not very good, so you don't have to read it...


Greetings, peeps. I know I should be working on the interactive fic but I'm feeling lazy tonight. So I decided to write this fic instead. Yup, a song fic about the racer you love to hate, (or hate to love, or just love, or just hate, whatever floats your boat) JP. And here it goes.  
  
DISCLAIMER: I don't own any of the characters in this story, or the lyrics to the song "I'm Money." They belong to Zebrahead.  
  
JP stepped out of the shower, draping a towel around his form. He made his way to his room, a slight bounce in his step. Once in the privacy of his chamber, he tossed the towel casually, and began dressing himself. As he dressed, he reflected on his day. He managed to pull the silver on Garibaldi, and seeing Moby finish with a face full of snow made victory all the sweeter.  
  
'Cause I'm a user, a shmoozer, a big dollar loser. That doesn't matter 'cause my friends call me a bruiser and I .get chicks, to many chicks want me (nope) 'Cause I'm not funny, Honey. A big oafy dummy. That doesn't matter 'cause my friends say I'm money and I, Get drunk, too many drinks want me (yeah).  
  
JP finished getting dressed, and walked into the living room/TV room of the bus he shared with Luther. At the moment, Luther was snoring away, his form covered in cheese doodles as a monster truck rally blared on the screen in front of him. "Gros porc," JP muttered under his breath. He made his way across the living room and out the door. Once outside, he took in a breath of the cold air. He smiled as started to walk to the bar. Yo get out the get out the way of the money man. Ladies know I'm dope, so consider me contraband. Fella's are just jealous 'cause they're ponies and I'm a mustang. Don't try to hang 'cause I'm out with a big bang. Get get down, all the ladies wanna be with me. Get get down, all the fellas compete with me. Get get down, and I know that I'm trippin' But I really don't care 'cause this is how I'm livin'.  
  
After a quick walk in the brisk wind and fading sun, JP arrived at his destination: Sweeny's Lodge. He stepped into the bar, and surveyed the place. There was a large dance floor in the center, some booths hugging the wall and a pool table in the corner. The people had just started to arrive, and some guys were setting up some music equipment in the corner. JP moseyed his way to the bar, took a stool, and signaled the bartender. "What can I get ya?" the attractive young lady asked. "Well, I'll have a Corona and a Gin and Tonic for yourself?" JP asked. "Nice try," she replied with a smile. "Can you blame me?" JP asked. The bartender giggled as JP flashed one of his 'lady-killer' smiles.  
  
All the ladies all the ladies wanna know me. They ignore me, intimidated by me. All the fellas all the fellas wanna be me. They ignore me, intimidated by me. All the ladies all the ladies wanna know me They ignore me, intimidated by me. All the fellas all the fellas wanna be me. They ignore me, intimidated by me. Who needs them anyways.'cause I'm money.  
  
JP sipped at his drink as the bar started to fill up. The people poured in as the two guys finished setting up the sound equipment. JP sighed contentedly as techno music filtered in through the background sounds of the bar. He noted a few of the prettier faces that came through the door, and made a note of where they were sitting.  
  
'Cause I'm a user, a shmoozer, a big dollar loser. That doesn't matter 'cause I drive a land cruiser. And I, get chicks, too many chicks want me (psyche). 'Cause I'm not funny, Honey, A big oafy dummy. That doesn't money 'cause you know I play with money, And I, get drunk, too many drinks want me.  
  
Pretty soon the place was packed. A few people were on the dance floor, strutting their stuff. "Amateurs," JP said. He finished his drink and walked out to the dance floor. He started slow, finding the rhythm, and began to show off. Soon, he was a human blur, break dancing to the song with surprising speed. Soon a ring formed around him as the people started to cheer him on. He stood up, and started spinning. He compacted his body into a human top. He stopped spinning, and panting, walked back to the bar.  
  
Got a time bomb, tick tick tickin' just like Anthrax. Boys wanna battle so I bought me a battle axe. Climax, your girl screams my name when you have sex (I should charge sales tax, yeah). Get get down, all the ladies wanna be with me. Get get down, all the fellas compete with me. Get get down, and I know that I'm trippin' But I really don't care 'cause this is how I'm stickin'.  
  
"Looks like they let anyone in here," came a voice from behind him. He turned around to Moby, followed by a pissed-looking Zoe. "Surprised they let you in? I know I am," JP responded coolly. "Don't make me shove that bottle where it don't belong." Zoe threatened, brandishing a fist. "So like you to send some one to do your work, friend Moby," JP said. Moby started towards him, but was halted by Zoe. "I ain't your mate," Moby said through clenched teeth. "Well, we can't all be that lucky!" JP retorted as he moseyed away. "Why'd you stop me? You want to bash him as much as me!" Moby said to Zoe once JP left. "The minute you lay a finger on him, he'll go to the officials. Just save it for the slopes," Zoe replied.  
  
All the ladies all the ladies wanna know me. They ignore me, intimidated by me. All the fellas all the fellas wanna be me. They ignore me, intimidated by me. All the ladies all the ladies wanna know me. They ignore me, intimidated by me. All the fellas all the fellas wanna be me. They ignore me, intimidated by me. Who needs them anyway. 'cause I'm money.  
  
JP found a new seat that put some more distance between him and those two idiots. Realizing that his beer was empty, he went to get another. As he waited, he heard another voice. "Hey handsome. Wanna dance?" He turned around to see a hot girl signaling him to dance. "How can I refuse?" JP said as they walked to the dance floor. With the fame, money and girls he could get as an SSX boarder, this DEFFINATELY was the life for him.  
  
Everybody look at me! I'm Pimp ass money. I know you wish, To get with this tonight. Everybody look at me! Flyer than Mr. T. I know you wish, To get with this tonight. Well who needs them anyway? I said who needs them anyway? 'Cause I'm money. 


End file.
